Illinois In-Laws Part III

I’m sorry about the promise two days ago of another entry and no delivery. 

So, where were we on the Illinois trip?  Oh yes… day three.

We took a small trek to get out of the house to the local mall.  wow… more like a mall mishap.  There was a furniture store that took up approx. four stores worth , as well as the biggest shoe department I have ever seen.  Oddly, the only thing that made it worth our while was a quaint pet store with a small gathering of pups that were not, by sight, what the store claimed they were, and several kittens curled up to make one big cat.  Because I guess in Illinois, you can purchase a sweater and a dog all in the same place.  Why not? I do have to say that our little one slept for most the trip which made for a pleasent escape.  Important Note- it is a bit awkward at times to shop (or in our case- window peeping) with your in-laws (Nothing against them, personally what-so-ever).  Shopping with any in-laws I would think would be a bit strange.  In all honesty, I think shopping is strange all together but that will be for a different entry.

After we killed a few hours in the tomb of merchandise we then found ourselves hungry.  Again, the town introduced us to a new concept- close half of your restaurants for lunch on Mondays.  Our third attempt, we finally found one that was open and just went with it as if we had found ourselves 30 lbs underweight and famished for a morsal.  This is when the family suggested a high-chair for Miss Priss.  She handled it for oh say five minutes before finding it immobile and brown (because at 6 months old her favorite color is pink, ya know.).  I gave her a good few minutes before our food came before I decided to chance it, and put her down in her car seat which was sitting in a sling (yes, we had a sling and a high chair at one table).  She actually agreed with my decision and settled.  I am not sure if anyone said more than five words to each other as they were mesmirized (or using her so as not to have to talk. You know how it seems everyone talks about their pets when your at their house (or ours) to break the silence?  I noticed people do it with babies as well.  Am I right or am I right? ) by her talking (or cooing if you would like to call it that to be more precise)… as did about two tables nearby. 

I had been wanting to see the Old Lincoln Theatre that has been historically noted as haunted, so my husband (who wanted to visit it just as bad)  tossed the idea out there to take a trip downtown.  My husband’s father and brother opted out, yet, surprisingly, his sister perked up at the idea.  I was a bit excited about this and looked forward to an outing out with my sister-in-law to get to know her a little better as well as, let’s be honest: have some ‘woman time ‘(my husband is a man, yes- but he can chill with the best of em’).  Though it was chilly, we had the little one bundled and toasty where she was fast asleep in her stroller as we toured the local shops.  I was surprised to find the downtown so rustic, yet booming with population.  I truly was.  You should have seen the towns we were driving through to get to Decatur.  When the snow began (okay, sleet) to trickle down, I felt as if I were in a romance movie- not sure which.. but this was definitely a scene from one.  Unfortunately, the theatre was closed (like everything else on a Monday (no, not Christmas.. but on December 20th)), but we took a peek through the window at least to say we ”were there”  (we peek alot, you see).  I quickly found myself shouting, “OH MY GOSH, did you see that?”  When .5 seconds later, I could see the reflection in the window of  my sister-in-law jumping back five feet, shaking her arms as if someone had just tickled the back of her neck.  I had to do it… the opportunity was to open not too.   

We didn’t want to have Little Boss outside to long so headed back to the car.  On our way back to the grandparents house we drove past an antique store of which my husband had to (and always must) turn around and take a look.  I stayed in the car since Boss was asleep.  After my husband and his sis completed their tour of “Olga’s” his sister asked if I wanted to take a turn and she would go in with me since, “there were creepy people in the back.”  The store was a hoarders paradise.  Unlike most antique stores, they stacked everything they could think of as far as it could go.  I even found a jar of spegghetti sauce.  I was told that we had to go out the back door to the other building. It was upon this decision that we ran smack straight into OLGA and the creepy people.  Yes, Olga looked like an Olga.  She even adorned a Russian mink hat.  She asked quizzically in her Russian accent, “What are you girls looking for exactly?”  Our reply simultaneously: “Were just lookin’.”  This is when it got uncomfortable.  The two men/drug dealers stared us down as Olga, who was currently blocking the sidwalk, moved to let my sister-in-law through.  However, she decided for some unexplainable reason to move back into her resting place as sidewalk-guard-woman before I could pass through as well.  I did not want to be left behind to DIE, so I merely and politely touched her shoulder and said, “excuse me.”  No response.  She stood facing me and staring into my eyes as if she were about to put a spell on MY LIFE.  I quickly brushed (or squeezed) by her as if I was going through a doggy door.  I was done with that place after that.

We then quickly headed back to the house to shoot the shiz with the grandparents since they found the weather cold and the house more enticing then an afternoon of malls and Killer women. (In all honesty, we had a blast with my sister-in-law and enjoyed it emmensly and I do hope we do it again, but I think in some instances they had the right idea.  All older or so wiser people have the right idea- reading and coffee all the live long day). Back at the house, we packed up for an early leave back home the following morning, before joining in the hundreth game of Canasta (I’m not complaining.  It’s actually that fun).  We then hit the hay a little early to prepare for the trek home.

There was so much that went on both emotionally and situationaly, that I don’t have the time, sometimes the memory, or your patience to explain.  But I can say, that I truly do like my husband’s extended family and find his Grandparents as witty and enjoyable as my own.  On my birthday we spent 8 hours on the road but finally got home in time to celebrate it that late evening with my parents, brother, and his girlfriend (My bro and I have the same b-day if you were unaware- yet we are three years apart.  I love it. I wouldn’t want to share it with anyone else! ).  Once the evening came to a close, however, I was ready to be home because home is just home.

I^I

~C~

Illinois In-Laws Part II

As promised Part II of this story continues.

So where were we?  Oh yes, how I don’t go number 2..

So, there we were up for most the night despite being exhausted from the drive and with me being sick.  I haven’t slept in a twin bed since I was a middle-schooler, but it was the only open room for that evening.  I felt as if we were in the “I Love Lucy” show but it made for an easy fit for the babes travel-bed between us, and I’m pretty sure we weren’t in black and white, so we had that going for us (though my hair is black and white, but we won’t count that and it should now be erased from your mind.  C does not have gray hair appearing on her 26-year-old scalp).  In fear of causing or doing all of my bathroom worries as listed previously, I got up at approx. 5:30 that morning to get ready.. or was it 5?  I was a basket case of nerves, so I am guessing five.  Thank goodness, because 30 minutes later the little one was up, (like she slept at all) and half of the family was as well to wish one of my husband’s Uncles and Aunt safe travels  (our schedules conflicting this year)  before they suited up for a 10 hour drive home to Georgia.

For the rest of the day it was basically a meet and greet.  Them meeting and greeting our Miss Priss while she smiled, coo’d, and squealed.  Every sound met with an “awwwww.”  So that was partially the day.  I’m totally fine with people gawking over her.. come on now, what parent isn’t?  It’s just the walking away with her part that prods my spine.  Not in an anger switching on way, but a nervous tick if you will.  I am not sure if I held my daughter for ten minutes that day so you can probably guess to the extent my nervousness was being achieved.  It took everything in my entire being to try and enjoy a nice card game of canasta (which if you have not yet played, may I again entice you to Google).  I did enjoy a round with Jeff’s brother and sister, but I will be honest to say in the back of my mind I was as nervous as a cat near water.  And though it was very nice of them to reassure me that I needed the break and they were more than happy to help, I smiled in agreement with most likely my lips quivering.  So, let me do say; I was relieved when the siblings and cousins suggested we head for the outdoors.

My parents had wonderfully purchased their granddaughter a snowsuit before leaving so we had no reason but to join them.  Snow had covered the ground a few days before our arrival and at that moment the most beautiful snowfall had appeared: Huge snowflakes; slow gravity.  I am not sure who designed the make-shift sled, but before I knew it, Miss Priss had a snow bed fit for a queen- a laundry basket lined with towels, with a rope tied to the handle.  I actually found this quite clever and was very excited about her first snow and sled experience (as well as optimimum picture taking time).  Though we maybe stayed outside for a mere ten minutes, it was a nice breather and great fun had by all.  The adults  (minus us) stayed inside to enjoy a game of football on the tube.  (PS- I wished I enjoyed football because this is the main topic of conversation among the S family.  But, unfortunately, I will never like football.  I’ve tried 26 years to, and have had no luck… so I do my best with the knowledge I have.  Touchdowns are good.).

Once inside it was her nap time but it was quickly vanquished and the “baby-sitting” began once again until around her bedtime.  I handled this round much better as I had a few minutes outside to shake it off (that being lack of sleep, uncomfortable’ness with newness, and lack of trust (merely because I had never left her or honestly hadn’t seen this family with  our little one very much until then to see how they were with her.  I do this with everyone.  Sorry.  I said it outloud.  Yes, I’m watching YOU.  If I’m still saying: ‘sure’ to you holding her…. you’ve past the over-protective, needs to take a chill pill and let go test.

<Side note not related to this story- I’m not a freaky mom who has to have my daughter with me 24/7 and has to make sure she shows signs of missing me before I leave her with someone.  I’m merely new at this and am a bit overloaded with fears of what could happen to her.  Responsibility is stressful.  I’m surprised I don’t cry at her doctors appointments on shot day.  Very surprised actually, because I’m pretty sure I’m becoming my dad and think everything is dangerous and could hurt her.  (ps- my dad is awesome.  its his love- no shame in that).  But, I must discontinue this present fear or I am going to die of a heart attack at the age of 27. Side Note complete.>

Once again, the babe did not sleep well as expected in an unfamiliar place.  The next day we were minus another set of relatives as they headed home to Chicago, and it had dwindled down to Jeff’s siblings, father, and grandparents.  So, the  house had gone down a few octaves.  Then late afternoon, we lost one of my husband’s brothers as he took a flight back home to take a final (Sigh- the non-existence of finals in my life: what a blessing).  I quickly realized how much I actually enjoyed the hustle and bustle of these Aunts and Uncles.  Wonderful red-headed characters.  A bit goofy, yet whimsical in their own ways.

If I remember right the little boss slept better this night… yet I had still not gone to the bathroom.

… and part III continues tomorrow.

Illinois In-laws Part I

Ummm.. hello dear WordPress; how I have missed you.

Whoa whoa whoa do I have alot to catch YOU up on.  (I hoped capping “you” would entice you to continue reading).

I went to Illinois for four days (two of those being an 8 hour drive) to spend an early Christmas with Jeff’s Dad’s side of the family.  Since being married to Jeff (2 years) we have not made this trip together.  If I remember right, one year it landed on my birthday (of which if you do not know, my brother and I share (no, we are not twins but three years apart.  Please don’t ask what was going on in March.  I don’t want to think about.. THAT.) ) But what I am getting at is, its a big deal for my side of the family, considering its half the clan to celebrate.  And my husband and I weren’t yet betrothed (love this word) at the time, so it was a pretty big step, considering as well.  Our first year of marriage, I’m almost certain (I could be wrong.  Either way- they all had good reasons I would like to think)  it had to do with PTO, (as I was working at the time) and here I might sound like a toot, but I honestly did not feel comfortable using our only PTO time  (which was lacking in numbers due to our wedding and PTO IS LIKE DIAMONDS (I don’t like gold).  You don’t have alot (well, in my case), but the few (okay, or one) you have are/is precious and very thought and planned out before purchasing) to spend it not with each other as it was our first year as a married couple.  We were learning how to live with each other, who we were as a couple and individually, and so on.  He agreed (surprisingly, or maybe not so surprisingly?).  So we saved our hours and used it for our one year anniversary celebration in Eureka Springs (Glorious place, if you haven’t heard me mention it before. Google it.). I’m happy we did because for our two year, we stayed home to welcome our little girl into the world (side note: and heal.  My gosh, why does no one mention how painful the aftermath of pregnancy is?  Labor is NOTHING compared to that.  Sid Baths?  Donuts?  Really?!)  So, we decided, though we had an almost 6-month-old and it would be a long-arse drive (bad words are unnecessary for your eyes) we needed to take the trip so we, and our daughter, could spend some quality time with her Great Grandparents (as it doesn’t look like we might be able to go for the next three years as Jeff will be in school).  So, This trip NEEDED to happen.  Yes, I was entirely stressed out about how we would and could afford it; thus, my poor husband lived with a wife from stress-hell for a week prior. But, we came to an agreement: If we got all of our neccessities taken care of before we left ,and we still had money to make it there and back with grocery money post-trip; we could and would go.  So, the garage got fixed, the bills payed, formula and diapers bought.  We left Saturday the 18th after my brother’s graduation (SHOUT OUT TO MY BRO!) and succeeded by packing bread, mustard, and deli meat in a ice chest for meals.  Hey, it worked.  And it was actually quite entertaining trying to slap meat on a piece of bread while sitting in the back seat.  Impressive.  Memories.. its all about the memories.  So.. there we were driving into the unkown (or the uknown to me, persay).

Let me back up with a few important and must-not-be-forgottten, side notes to add a little “umph” to this story:

1) I had come down with a terrible cold and was as stuffed up and runny as our master bedroom shower. 

2) Our hotel stay during this week was vanquished.  We were too stay at Jeff’s Grandparent’s house with all 13 relatives present.  (Deep Swallow).

Now, we can continue this story (Please keep these two notes in mind throughout, though I’m guessing I will re-enstate them often)

As we left late that afternoon our little one was quite decent since half the drive was during her bedtime anyway.  I was so proud of her attitiude the entire day.  I would call it: Sassy Goodness.  9 hours (added hour since my brother’s graduation was an hour going the other direction) and only two stops, of which only one of them we got her out of the car on her request (always felt her out the entire time.  We weren’t going to push her as this was a big deal for a little one).  WOW.  I mean come on, that was a miracle people.  The only downside (come on, there had to be a downside- we couldn’t have got off that easily) was that my husband could only master staying up for two-three hours of the trip (he naturally falls asleep when driving.  As in: I look up to find his eyes shut while going 75mph.  Its totally safe.).  So I stepped back into the driver’s seat with my handy, dandy kleenex box in grasping distance.  Finally (and I’m talking a “finally” in the longest exhausted finally you have ever heard) we arrived in Illinois at approx. 11pm….. to a housefull of family in waiting.  And I hope to not sound distasteful here as It was wonderful to be greeted with such welcome arms and completely understood as it was the Uncles and 2nd cousins first time to meet Miss Little Bit, but it made for a very high-strung baby girl who would not fall asleep until approx. 1amish (guesstimate).  And since I’m being totally honest here- I was a nervous wreck not so much from the greeting, but just the fear of staying in someone’s house with people I did not quite know very well, if at all (I had only truly met half the family once) and had a complete fear of using the bathroom (Explanation: One, I don’t want to be the “bathroom hogger”; Two, I don’t want to be seen in my pj gear (aka- random tshirts, pants, and bare face), and lastly, I refuse to (okay here it is) go number 2 anywhere but in my own home… ever.  Like I will hold it tell I go blue in the face.)….

and this story will have to continue tomorrow as I must empty out the coffee pot then head to bed…

Wed Nes Day

I wrote an entire entry, then found it terribly serious. I feel as though this wednesday has had enough of that; so, I’m going to give it an optimistic try.

Have you ever picked up a book for its cover.  You walked into the book store and noticed its uncommon presentation.  You picked it up, read the summary or preface, and you were sold.  I have.  I just thought I’d throw that honest statement in the open.

Speaking of honesty: IT’S HONEST WEDNESDAY!

1)  What is the main thing that makes you unique?  I write better than I speak (That’s terrifying, now isn’t it?).

2)  If someone was to give you one gift, money is no object, what would you want to receive? A life supply of Spiced Chai Tea (with soymilk, please)

3) Do you like your name? Not so much when I meet a man with the same.  But so much knowing it was a name decided and strongly felt fitting for me before I entered this earth.

4) What do you do when you first wake up in the morning? I always lie in bed for a few minutes to allow myself to fully awaken, both mind and body.

5) Do you prefer to be with those who are younger or older than you are?  I wish I was the woman in the shoe.  (that sounded Michael Jackson creepy.  I’m not a creeper… I merely think kids are insanely cool).

6)  If you could speak any language, what would it be and why? After watching “Eat, Pray, Love” definitely Latin.. or was that French?  Or is that the same thing? (I’m being honestly dumb here, see?). Whatever language sounds like a Chocolate Caramel cake.

7)  If you could become a character in a TV show or movie, who would you chose to be? Dora the Explorer.  She has a purple monkey friend and the hardest task of the day is making sure Swiper doesn’t swipe.  (Yeah, I watch this show even though my daughter is only five months old.  We merely wanted to see what it was all about for future reference and got seriously hooked)

8) What is the one thing that makes you laugh the hardest? People tripping.  I know this sounds horrible because it is. As this is a game of honesty: I even found myself having a chuckle attack when someone tripped going down our aisle at church the other day.  Do I trip?  Yes.  And unless I hurt myself I mindfully accept your laughs.

To put an end to this honest Wednesday; I will also admit that I came home from meeting a friend this evening to find my pants had been unzipped the entire time.  Thank goodness I did not have my granny panties on.  And yes, honestly I own granny panties.

 

I could be getting deep here- A discussion on Adoption.

Did you notice wordpress was snowing this morning?

So, I’m reading this book titled, “Love Walked In” by Marisa De Los Santos.  I fell in love with this author when on a whim I grabbed her most recent book: “Belong to Me” off the shelf in the library.  My favorite author is Wally Lamb, and I have yet to find anyone else I find so delightful… until Mrs. Santos.  One of her paragraphs and only a mere snip example of her writing: “… no matter what the circumstances, parenthood is thrust upon a parent.  No one is ever quite ready; everyone is always caught off guard.  Parenthood chooses you.  And you open your eyes, look at what you’ve got, say ‘Oh, my gosh,’ and recognize that all of the ball there ever were, this is the one you should not drop.  It’s not a question of choice.” (No, this is not a how-to parent book.  It’s fiction).

Somehow this got me thinking about adoption (no, I’m not adopting (no does not mean never)).  Let me begin by speaking about my pregnancy.  You’ll understand where I’m going with this soon.   I felt an entirely amazing connection to Miss Little Bit during my entire pregnancy.  I felt like she was all I had sometimes.  I was in awe that she was alive.   I usually see my body as if I were standing outside it.. as if I’m borrowing for life.   But, during those 8 months (mine was cut short) I FELT my body.  I loved being pregnant.  I never got to painfully large and was quite comfortable after the first three months.  But what was best of all, is the natural and quick connection I had to my daughter.

Now, let’s discuss post-pregnancy.  Labor was not as bad as I had dreamed it to be (I have a wild imagination).  The connection I had felt during pregnancy was definitely present when she arrived as well.  It never wained.  BUT, let me be deeply honest with you and please don’t judge me.  After having a child, I now completely understand adoption.  I’ve wondered how long it took to deeply connect to a child that was not of one’s own internally and of blood, but now I know.  It must be simple as counting to three.  To explain, I still am in complete shock that she is ours.  I look at her in astonishment because I don’t feel like I had her.  I feel like she is a gift- an absolutely life-changing breathtaking gift.  But she was given to me, not that I made her.  I don’t feel a bodily connection as I did through pregnancy.  I feel an emotional one (Like I love her more than I love Chai teas and a beautiful summer day.  Plainly said, “I love her A LOT.” And I would die for her in a heartbeat.  Like right now.. if needed I would.  I would even give  my place in heaven (if I have a place?) to her and head to hell if needed.  Yes,  that thought crossed my mind. Yes, I’m strange.).  As if it transitioned on the day she took her first breath of air.  I even at times (maybe this is from me questioning if I’m a good mother, etc. all the time.  I have a horribly low self-confidence that I try to hide.. but not well at times) wonder if someone else could mother my child and love her exactly as greatly as I do.  And I think they could.  And do I think miss priss could love and feel a deep connection with this woman as much as she does (I hope she does) me?  I think so.  So, I can see why a woman who has adopted can feel just as a mother to this child as someone who actually birthed him or her.  I was not one to ever want to adopt.  I wanted to have a child of my own.  But… now after having one- I now understand how Angelina Jolie can have a mixed family of both adoptees and those from her own womb and feel no separation from the two.  It’s amazing.  I do believe now that women who feel the natural need to become mothers can love any child.

Now, I’ve heard stories where the adopted child still feels a need to search for their birth mother.  So maybe there is a deeper connection there after all.  This is an idea as well.  Or is it merely the child’s own hopes to find out who she was a part of blood, looks, and emotion wise?

What I’m coming too is.  Someone who would not exactly and personally consider adoption; if it fell in my lap- I think I would and could accept it.

Now please do discuss respectively.

Spin the Dice- Hope you don’t lose twice.

You know what I was thinking today?  If I owned a company I would hire only those fresh out of college.  Someone needs to give these individuals a chance- open up that first door for them.  They wouldn’t be  tainted by the “getting to the top” attitudes and unwillingness to learn.  They would merely be pleased that they got their first job and would do ANYTHING to learn how to do the job and do it well, so they can move on to bigger and better things later on with that knowledge.  Of course I’d have a huge turn-around with everyone leaving the company every 2 years or so- but I’d also luck out by receiving a new bunch of fresh minds every 2 years as well.   My company would be sparkling with new ideas.  And let’s not forget that in the first two years employees usually not only try their hardest, but also work diligently to impress their bosses.  After two years- it all goes down hill.  Comfort kicks in, lunches go longer than an hour, and bosses are merely those people you complain about.

Off my soap box. Actually, can I say: “Off the massive boulder with the sun shining down upon me to give me a natural glow behind my head?” That I will.  Off my boulder with the sun shining down upon me to give me a natural glow behind my head.

Have you ever won anything?  I just made a statement related to this on facebook.  (No, I am not on the computer while my daughter sits there all alone.  She went to the grocery store with her dad to pick up some milk because dad wanted some daddy-daughter time.  (Or he’s using her  to pick up hot chicks.  Seriously I’ve seen these ladies in action when he has a hold of our youngster.  They are like lions biting at the chance to swoon over her and all of his daddy goodness.  As long as he keeps that ring on.. ).  So, I have only won a bird in my lifetime.  A bird.. in a cage.  A real bird when I was like 12 I’m guessing.  It was at an all-church bingo.  I wanted everything BUT the bird.  I am a dog person.. and even a rabbit person.  But not a bird person.. or so I wasn’t at that time.  So I finally won something- and I gave it away to a kiddo younger than myself who WAS hoping for the bird.  I should have kept this chirping, pooping fella, because it would be the only thing I would EVER win.  And I have to admit something; athletically I’m not competitive.  However, game wise- I am VERY competitive.  I might hide it well.. but inside I am a burning rage of competition!  For example: I went to a wedding shower a few days ago.  Bridal Bingo- my heart was on fire.  I was stressed with the urge to win the huge hot cocoa cup and mix.  I had one square left.  Bridal Word- I was tied with another attendee.  I took this word: fnicae and made it: cafine.  It was: fiance.  I lost.   I’ve tried several times to win gift cards to Target from the Coupon Queen.  Fail.  I even entered a writing prompt to win a book- FAIL.  I have entered countless of drawings and have put my name in a hat to decide what team I am on.  Fail.. and last picked.

Thank goodness I don’t spend money to win things or we would not only be broke but in the trillion negatives.

Like this:

$- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -  (trillion more) 0.00

I bet I would be the one to FINALLY get a ticket to Oprah’s show (no I have never tried to get a ticket but have always dreamed.  This is only an example) and would be on it the day BEFORE her “favorite things.”  And the show would be about new skin care or something horribly not as wonderful nor winning as her “favorite things.”

I would just like to win something.  Even an eraser for my pencil would be a nice boost to my “luck esteem.”

(Yes, I am happy with everything I have and am ENTIRELY happy with the surprise of my AMAZING DAUGHTER.  This is merely a selfish need for a lucky win.  There- I’m honest.)

<3

A She-Man Santa.

People.. it’s happened.  I’m in the Christmas Spirit.  It is the first time in years that I actually feel like Christmas is Christmas.  And as said earlier- I’m surprised since we have no money to quite gift the fam nor our little one (Thank goodness she’s 5 months old and doesn’t realize what she’s missing thus far).  Either way, I’m feeling the hot cocoa and Christmas lights.  And here is where it gets a little weird.  You ready for it? 

I WANT TO BE SANTA CLAUSE.  There, I said it.  I WANT TO DRESS UP IN RED AND WHITE, ADORN A PERFECT WHITE BEARD, WHERE GLASSES THAT ARE HONESTLY TO SMALL FOR MY EYES BUT SIT BEAUTIFULY ON THE RIM OF MY NOSE, AND I WANT TO STUFF MY CLOTHES WITH A PILLOW TO MAKE MY STOMACH ROUND, AND I WANT TO SIT IN A HUUUUUGE RED CHAIR AND HAVE AN ELF TAKE OUR PICTURE.

I’m not kidding you. 

Can women be Santa Clause? 

I mean think about it.  How FANTASTIC is that job?  Its cold outside, yes?  Yes.. and you HAVE to wear a warm furry coat.  People COME to see you because they WANT to see you.  And these PEOPLE are CHLDREN!  Awesome, excited, honest children.  And the PEOPLE (kids) that cry are merely taken to the back of the line by their parents until they can calm down.  All you get to do is sit there, smile, here some awesome stories about why he or she deserves this or that, and you get to be photographed like a model all the live, long day.  Your PRESCENCE.. your mere PRESCENSE brings joy and happiness to all.  psh.. even the adults find themselves grinning ear to ear.  You get to HAVE facial hair.  NO MORE PLUCKING!!!!  You get to wear glasses that make you appear WISE (even if you ARRRREN’T!!!!).  AND I bet you get to snack on some of those peppermints or cookies on your lunch break EVERYDAY.  And let’s not forget- you get to do all of this AWESOMENESS and get PAID FOR IT. 

That’s it.  Next year if anyone out there needs a Santa Clause-  I promise to grow my chin hairs, gain tons of weight, and tell your kiddos how awesome they truly are. 

Hire me.  I’ll even lower my voice a few octaves for a good couple of “HO, HO, HO’s” to bring the crowds in.